I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
