woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
