You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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