I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
