I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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