just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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