So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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