I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
