so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize