i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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