If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
