Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize