If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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