she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
