And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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