So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
