A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
