I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize