So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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