bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
