I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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