Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
