1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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