Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
