Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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