I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
