he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
