i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
