yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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