drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
