sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
