Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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