People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize