I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
