Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
