I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
