if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
