Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
