go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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