forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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