We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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