He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
