Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
