shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
me + whiskey = a bad person
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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