I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
