it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
