Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
