beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
