Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
