I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
