fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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