I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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