Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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