Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I believe in your delicious
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