She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
