I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We have started to decorate penises.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
