I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
