you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
