i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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