dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
