70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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