Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
