dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
