I will die if light touches me.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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