Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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