Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
