you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
